Helping the Discouraged Middle School Learner Before It's Too Late

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As early as middle school, some children have already given up on themselves. These are the kids who can be heard in the classroom telling the teacher “I’m not good at (fill in the blank) – whether it be reading, taking tests, or some other facet of school. They have declared themselves “bad at school,” resist new learning strategies or concepts that are presented to them, and have begun down a path that has parents and teachers concerned.

Carol Ranstad, the Director of Academics at New Leaf Academy of Oregon, a therapeutic boarding school for girls aged 10 to 14, specializes in helping reignite confidence and a passion for learning in discouraged learners and getting them back on track in time for high school.

Know Your Child

“In order to be a good teacher for your child, you must truly email data her for who she is – her strengths and weaknesses, capabilities and challenges,” says Ranstad. “Part of that process is recognizing and validating the child’s discouragement in school rather than brushing it off as laziness or lack of effort.”

Rather than trying to “fix” the child, partner with him to help him reach his full potential. In every case, there is an underlying reason for the discouragement and your child will feel safe and accepted if he knows you’re on the same team.

“Every child needs to know that there’s a reason she feels so anxious, frustrated, or discouraged at school,” counsels Ranstad. “She also needs reassurance that her parents are going to help her embrace those issues and develop tools to succeed in spite of them.”

The better you know your child, the better your child will know himself. Having a thorough understanding of his abilities and challenges helps him become an advocate for his own needs. When a child knows he deserves to be seen, says Ranstad, he’ll feel more comfortable respectfully asking for supports that would help him succeed, such as more time on a test, getting a copy of the overhead notes, or spending extra time with a tutor.

Get Involved

Busy parents can’t always identify the source of their child’s discouragement on their own. That’s why it’s critical to get involved with teachers and counselors at your child’s school to gain insights into your child’s strengths and weaknesses. In some cases, additional assessments and testing may be necessary to determine your child’s learning style and specific needs.

“If schedules permit, get in the classroom and talk to your child’s teachers whenever possible,” advises Ranstad. “If you are aware that your child is starting to fall behind, you’ll be able to figure out the reasons why and work to resolve them, rather than getting mad at the child and telling her to work harder.”

Of course, sometimes a child’s success can be improved by a few rules, such as turning off the television until homework is done. “Parenting is about bringing the right blend of loving acceptance and accountability into the home,” says Ranstad. An informed parent will be in a better position to know the source of the child’s problem and thus be able to decide if the best response is as simple as turning off the TV or as complex as getting outside help.

Redefine Success

Part of seeing your child for who he is means defining success based on his specific abilities and challenges. “Sometimes success for one family will look different from what another family calls success,” explains Ranstad. “Just knowing mom and dad are proud helps build confidence and fuels greater accomplishments.”